Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Local Man's Life Changed Immeasurably After Internet Search Reveals the Truth About NFL Quarterback and Metallica Frontman Being Different People

(Piscataway, NJ) -- A Google search changed the life of a local New Jersey man Tuesday morning as the lazy, work day exploring of popular search queries led him to discover that Tom Brady, professional quarterback for the National Football Leauge's New England Patriots, and James Hetfield, lead singer and songwriter for the rock band Metallica, are entirely separate individuals.

"I was shocked! I've been to the games; I've been to the shows. I had always wondered about James not stopping in between songs to throw long passes to who I assumed - incorrectly, I guess - was second-year tight end Rob Gronkowski. It was bassist Robert Trujillo the entire time! I had no idea."

Eyewitness reports detail the shock as something you see regularly with internet search engines.

"The whole thing is pretty typical, you know? One day, a person enters a search for 'NFL show schedule tickets for the New England Metallicas' and has his mind blown by obvious reality, the next, someone else will end up looking up something incredibly visible and hilarious without realizing how ridiculous it is and will be similarly and unnecessarily shocked and excited. It's just how [the internet] works. Typical."

Scott Kraiterman, 20, explained that, with the new understanding he has for the now-revealed coupling of life heroes, he has plans to be more mindful of the internet as a tool to figure out who is who.

"There I was at a football game in Foxboro singing along to a Metallica song that wasn't even playing! It was the sound of the fans next to me shouting 'Stop singing! I paid good money for these tickets and you're ruining it! Stop!' I won't make that mistake again haha.'


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