Friday, December 30, 2011

Scott Nailed It, Proclaims Amazed and Alarmingly Lucid Julian Morris

(Highland Park, NJ) -- Capping off a night of massive celebration Friday night was Scott Kraiterman, 29, with his warm, devoted rendition of "A Whole New World," by Cameron Nadler, 6. Responding to the event was Connecticut-born Julian Morris, ?, who had little to say about the performance, but seemed altogether pleased and distracted by what many are calling a positive showing by all.

"He sang well. He fucking nailed it."


LIVE at Scott Kraiterman's Wall Continues, Proposal For New "Best 'Scott's Wall' Performance" Gong Award Gains Momentum

(Kingston, Jamaica) -- As facebook acts, singers, and spectators alike waltz their way toward the midnight hour of Scott Kraiterman's facebook's final morning in 2011, people like Cameron Nadler wonder about the future of the event.

"I mean, there should be an award, you know? Is this something that we want continuing into the summer? There's relevance. There should definitely be a gong for this."

Nadler, busy planning his vacation's itinerary while fidgeting lightly with attempts to control his gesturing, accentuating hand movements, laid out grand visions for the gong, detailing possible nominees and describing at boring length about his upcoming pitch to the Morrises.

"It's a great idea. I have literally never been more serious in my life."


BREAKING NEWS: Kraiterman Makes His Move, Exhibits Sweeping Approval

(Brighton, MA) -- Early into the festivities Friday night, Kraiterman, 29, made what most will refer to as a brief, temporary appearance during what most are describing as the best nearly-embarrassing, horribly-yet-warmly plaguing spectacle available on facebook in 2011, taking a short break from his Friday night movie to gauge online activity. A multitude of Likes ensued.

"One second, I'm drinking scotch and watching Schindler's List; the next moment I'm in my bedroom finding something completely the opposite of Spielberg-directed, nonfiction, holocaust dramas and laughing terribly. It's really pretty powerful stuff."

More on this as the situation develops.


Karaoke Starts With a Bang, Spectators Find Kraiterman's Online Activity Phantasmal, Spotty

(Brighton, MA) -- With the last night of LIVE from Scott Kraiterman's Wall's arrival, participants are fresh and ready for a night of gala revelry and celebration to ring in a new year. Kenny Murphy, dedicated host of LIVE from Scott Kraiterman's Wall and longtime Canadian, along with fellow guest hosts Carson Pinch Sara Glaberson, lit the fuse earlier tonight for what should surely end up being the most romantic evening in Scott Kraiterman's Facebook history.

"We're all excited; over here, we feel like this has been a long, week-long road and a heck of a lot of fun work, and this all is the culminating moment. The energy is sparkling."


BREAKING NEWS: Metallica Frontman Hetfield Thought of Fondly in a Lunchtime Daydream

(Piscataway, NJ) -- Normally deeply ensconced in the challenges of an average schoolday Friday, Kraiterman, 29, afforded himself time today for a quick lunch, pulling himself from his school's duties to refresh his spirits with low carb cuisine and diet cola, giving himself a moment to call on fond memories of Metallica frontman, James Hetfield.

"I need the time, you know? I need to disconnect for a bit in the middle of things to come back fresh and ready. The stress of the job dictates a need to refill and recoup energy, and that's what lunch is all about. The dream is just dessert, I guess," Kraiterman noted with a laugh.

With the weekend and New Year's ahead of him, Kraiterman has vague plans to spend his time - and his moments daydreaming - leisurely.


Says Local Next Door Neighbor: Kraiterman Gets Out of Bed, Goes to Work

(Highland Park, NJ) -- Early reports Friday morning offer details of the abrupt and drowsy departure of Kraiterman, 29, as he left for work from his Highland Park apartment.

"He looked tired, unexcited for the work day," said local next door neighbor

"I mean, some people are real 'TGIF'ers, but this was different. The guy really had a slouch to him!"

Speculation surrounding the issue paints the portrait of a 20-something inundated by attention. The same next door neighbor - again, a local man - had this to say:

"Rumbling. CONSTANT rumbling. Not a day this week has gone by without the near-deafening sound of, like, I don't know, a tiny vacuum cleaner? Light drumming? I don't know. I think it's his phone. There's definitely something happening."


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Report: "Trivia Night A Success", says Cameron Nadler, 13

(Jamaica) -- Following the live stumbling and rich antics from Scott Kraiterman's Thursday's Trivia, Cameron Nadler, bright youth and avid vacationer, commented duly with regard to the evening's fun.

"You know, it was just cool. At the end of the day, I like being asked questions, and it seemed like they were successful in doing just that. I felt quizzed, you know? I like questions."