Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Area Disney Fan Dreams the Rock-Impossible

(Highland Park, NJ) -- A quiet afternoon in the Garden State was interrupted early on Wednesday with the muffled shouts of a local school psychologist and avid Disney fan. The fan, Scott Kraiterman, 38, was described by neighbors as being uncontrollably elated, suffering from what appeared to be an incredible idea.

"Truthfully, it was difficult for anyone to come to a kind of consensus for what he was screaming about," explained Highland Park police chief, Stephen Rizco. "One second, our guy is writing out a warning for a forty in a thirty on Woodland, the next, a school professional is rushing into the street with a crazy idea about a cartoon mouse and rock music."

Witnesses later detailed the idea, explaining that the New Jersey resident wanted nothing more than to immediately see any of the more beloved Disney characters as additional members of the storied rock megagroup, Metallica.

"What I'm not totally sure of," laughed Rizco, "is whether we're talking about a Disney fan coming up with an impossible idea or a Metallica fan coming up with, frankly, a totally ridiculous idea. And I like Metallica, too haha"

Kraiterman was not available for immediate comment.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Korean Sensation 'Dr. Kraiterman' Scores Big on Danish Charts

(Copenhagen, Denmark) -- The frequented Danish pop chart, Hitlisten, was rocked earlier today with the surprise arrival of the newly-released Korean pop superhit, "Dr. Kraiterman". The hit, written and performed by South Korean national, Kenny Murphy, rides toe-tapping melodies and infectious, grab-your-cash hooks along the way to describing the well-documented life of Highland Park, New Jersey resident, Scott Kraiterman. Kraiterman, 28, a school psychologist living and working in greater central New Jersey is best known for his gracious hosting of "LIVE from Scott Kraiterman's Wall," a local internet sensation and televised event from the Spring of 2012, as well as his plethora of celebrity connections.

When asked of the hit and of the challenges being a Korean presents, Murphy, 22, described the process as one that just kind of came to him.

"You know, there really wasn't much to it. Lyrically speaking, I thought to myself: the process should be something like describing what I would say to someone over the phone if I had ten seconds to detail who Scott is kind of..."

The hit, written and released within the day, scored #26 on Hitlisten.NU, landing squarely behind #25, Swedish megastar Kim Cesarion's hit, "I Love This Life," and bumping down the Dane - Burhan G's contending single "Ikke I Nat, Ikke Endnu" to #27.